Immaculate Concepts

bonobo  [bəˈnoʊboʊ]  s  a great ape and even greater lover; b~ societies revolve around the best thing in life - for greeting, solving disputes, making up and as a favour in exchange for food (see the female  ¬  penguin); b~s are believed to be close relatives to humans having both evolved from the   ¬  manpanzee; yet they are one of the most peaceful, non-aggressive species of mammals as long as you are willing to be probed, bring your young and pay them in time.

penguin  [peŋɡwɪn]  s  a black and white bird that lives by the sea around Antarctica and cannot fly;  The female p~ whiles away the endless months of the polar night working the straits making the usual sign while the male stands still looking shameful having accepted the immoral offer in the first place. p~s mate for life mixing any of the three known genders, female, male and not quite so male; the latter often shares its nest with a 'very close pal' inviting a stone into their home as their pretend off-spring; p~s have increasingly been driven out of their natural habitat by man; as  a revenge they became major publishers of quite dull books  (see  ¬  p~ classics)."

liger  [ˈlaɪɡə(r)]  s  a hybrid cross between an  ¬  English Lion and a  ¬  Celtic Tigress; male l~s are sterile but have found ways to compensate and still engage in acts of coercion against unsuspecting females (see  ¬  liger-lout); in contrast, female l~s are incredibly fertile and have the highest  ¬  teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.

honey bee  [ˈhʌniˌ biː]  s  a flying insect with black and yellow stripes that calls its partners  ¬  honey and  -when in a foul mood - ¬  Sting; the h~ states have long been models for the monarchs, with a virgin queen kept in a special cell being filled with jelly by their royal stable-hands before taking off with a sponging artist formerly known as ¬  Prince ; the smirk is soon wiped off the male as he faces his timely death inter-caused by private-explosion as part of the h~ normal  ¬  mating ritual; this leaves the male quite snapped-off but too dead to  ¬  drone on about it.

komodo dragon  [kəˈmədəʊˌ ˈdræɡən]  s  a large creature with a long pointy tail that in the old days had wings and could breath fire; instead the modern-day male k~ has twice the genitals necessary to allow mounting of the females from either side; this is believed to be an evolutionary left-over from the times when females on heat still resembled the  ¬  Hindenburg on fire and males had to approach them from windward to avoid a  ¬  dragonian punishment; two not-so-pointy tails also allow the male k~ to settle schizophrenic disputes by fencing himself (compare ¬  flatworm).

swan  [swɒn]  s  a white bird that lives near water and (has) the largest member of the  ¬  duck family (Biol.); s~s are often a symbol of love or fidelity because they form long-standing necks, which are symbols of an entirely different nature and especially attractive to queens, who are also the only species allowed to find s~s tasty; male s~s mate for life and not just for Christmas unless they  ¬  swan off with 'a friend' to play  ¬  ugly duckling.

duck  [dʌk]  s  a water bird with short legs, webbed feet, and a large flat beak; d~s are truly cosmopolitan, with their females taking its feminist ideas for printed and driving their lame-male around the bend of her convoluted parts; their  ¬  cork-screw  design is an effective defence mechanism to deter unwanted guests who mistake the game for their bird and bring white wine instead - unless they bring their own bottle-opener.

flatworm  [flætˈwɜː(r)m]  s  parasitic  worm having a flattened body with no skeleton or body cavity. f~s are hermaphrodites with two dagger-like extensions used for hunting and mating and thus ideal for coercing. Their ritual resembles a "fencing parade" trying to stab each other. The f~ who gets stabbed will absorb the donor-sperm through its skin and then flounce and turn female - a bad looser indeed.

donkey  [ˈdɒŋki]  s  a grey or brown animal with long ears similar to a ¬  horse, but smaller hung; in some countries it is used for pulling or carrying heavy loads - in others for pushing down the church tower; d~s exhibit no interesting mating behaviour but are our favourite animals.

dolphin  [ˈdɒlfɪn]  s  a large marine mammal of often friendly appearance and seemingly playful attitude; male juvenile d~s drink like fish before co-mounting any female for as long as they keep smiling; they also enjoy the company of older males who show them alternative uses of their blow-hole and how to drag their anchor through a field of  ¬  sea-urchins for pleasure.

manpanzee  [mænpænˈziː]  s  did you mean  ¬  Malpensa?